I often say to my clients, ‘Action comes first, the feeling follows’. You don’t become confident by waiting until you feel confident. You act as if you feel confident and when you do this repeatedly you start to feel confident.
There isn’t a person in this world who feels optimistic and confident all of the time. Everyone has doubts. Some people though go through life constantly seeking reassurance that they have made the right decision. Then when the slightest hiccup occurs they take it as a sign that this is not meant to be, and they change their plans.
When I bought my current home I created a lot of unnecessary problems for myself by questioning my solicitor, triple checking everything myself, looking for problems because a part of me didn’t believe I could live in such an area, and I didn’t trust others. This created problems for the solicitors, the agent, the owner and me. When there were problems with settlement the owner was uncooperative, probably to pay me back for all the trouble I caused him, which made the move far more difficult and more expensive, than it needed to be. My friends said to me, ‘We don’t think you should buy the house, nothing has flowed’.
Fortunately, I didn’t agree and when I was settled into my house I was able to recognise that the delays and extra expense I incurred resulted from my fears. If I had listened to my friends I would have missed out on living somewhere that I love.
When we are not talking to others, we talk constantly to ourselves. This is such a natural process that we generally don’t notice the phrases that circulate in our minds. This self-talk affects the way we feel about ourselves and what we attract into our life. Have you ever said, I’m stupid. I can’t win. It’s too good to be true. Or, You can’t have it all?
If I was interviewing someone for a job and she told me she was stupid I wouldn’t employ her. You may think you wouldn’t say such a thing in an interview, the problem is that when you become accustomed to talking to yourself in a particular way, these phrases slip out without you even noticing them. Or you put yourself down in some other way.
Your words impact others as well. I always told my children they could have everything they wanted, then one day I heard myself say, ‘You can’t have everything you want’. Talk about giving my children mixed messages.
Words are powerful and whether you are talking to yourself or talking to others it’s important that your words always support your choices.
And your actions are equally important. Act as if you already are the person you want to be and are living the life you want to live. That doesn’t mean spending money you don’t have, it’s choosing to act with confidence when you start to doubt yourself. You could do this by distracting yourself, or saying a positive affirmation. It’s not talking about what is lacking in your life or even talking about what you want all the time, because sometimes that’s a reminder of what’s missing.
It’s being proactive.
It’s spending your time wisely by reading or listening to something that will lift your spirits.
It’s not sharing your dreams with people who make you doubt yourself.
It’s about being aware of what you think and what you are doing on a daily basis.
It’s being like the beautiful child in this image who doesn’t worry about tomorrow but simply enjoys today.