2017 is my year for creating balance and living calm, not just for the year, but for the rest of my life. Living calm to me means being unflappable, but the reality is that I can barely remember a time when I haven’t felt stressed for one reason or another, and just dealing with the situation that is causing the stress, has only ever brought short term relief because there is always another pressing need to fill, or problem to solve. Living calm is something we need to foster and promote to increase the health and wellbeing of our whole society, especially our children.
Your stress threshold determines how well you manage stress
Our response to stress is set up in the womb, my low stress threshold was passed on to me by my mother and I in turn passed it on to my children. I’ve developed some great skills to manage stress but I’ve reached the stage where I don’t want to have to do this any more, I want to be calm, relaxed and enjoy every single day.
One of the best habits we can all establish is to observe ourselves without judgement. This gives us so much insight into why we do the things we do. I’ve given myself a whole year to observe what causes stress for me, establish new habits and make changes that will be permanent. That’s one of the reasons I’ve written so few blogs this year, my focus has been on simplifying and creating a new normal that supports the me to be the person I want to be and the life I want to live.
Living Calm means living a balanced life
Some of the things that I’ve discovered about myself is that my stress response starts long before I am consciously aware of it. Life gives us little clues that tell us when we are out of balance and if we are mindful on a regular basis we notice these clues,which can show up as minor irritations, before they become a major problem. When we race through life, going from one thing to the next, we often miss these clues and this means that we often keep experiencing the same old patterns, over and over again.
I’ve always known I don’t value myself enough but only recently I discovered how much of an impact that has had on my work. When I had to replace a staff member I became aware that I had a tendency to employ people who needed support, rather than choosing someone to support me.
Feeling unsupported has been one of my major life issues, and this feeling has infiltrated every area of my life because I constantly gave up my own needs to accommodate others.
As I write I am having ducted airconditioning installed in my home and I clearly asked when I got the quote, for the outdoor unit to be placed in a specific location, out of sight. Yesterday, after the tradesmen had left, I discovered that the unit was installed in the wrong place so that’s it’s visible as you walk in my drive. I have plans to convert this area into a relaxing outdoor area. My builder, who isn’t involved with this service, encouraged me to leave it where it is, and normally I would have gone along with this, but I know I’ll never be happy with that choice.
So now whenever I feel tempted to compromise just to make life easier for someone else I pause and reassess if this is something I really want to do and ask, ‘will this choice create more stress for me’. Leaving the unit in its current location might cause short term stress but over the long term it would be a constant irritation.
When we give up our needs on a regular basis we reinforce the belief that we can’t have what we really want, and that belief is behind so much unhappiness that exists today. The more aware we are the easier it becomes to make small and sometimes major adjustments in our daily lives. The discomfort we feel in the short term is minor compared to the long lasting benefits we gain from living a calm life. When we feel calm we are in balance. Our feelings reinforce the belief that we can have what we want. We fill our most important needs and as a result we feel happier. And happy people make the world a better place for everyone.